Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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