its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
