he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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