Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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