hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
