"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
