I'm passing your future prison.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
