i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
