she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
