he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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