loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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