This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
