so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
