Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
