I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
