So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
