About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You were trust falling into bushes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
