Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
