U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
