She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
