i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
love makes seman taste better
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
