I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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