Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
