I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
