Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
