Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
