no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I did not marry a roomba.
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