As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
