Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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