With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
