Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
