So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
