Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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