I just threw up on my dentist
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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