I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
