I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
