You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
