Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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