Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
