He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
