in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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