hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
