By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
