i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
