Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
