If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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