Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
