Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
