happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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