you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
