I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My ATM looks so different sober.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
