I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
