Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
