i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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