pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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