Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
