Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
